ch_leeshatana (ch_leeshatana) wrote,
ch_leeshatana
ch_leeshatana

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.1.



For the past few months I've been preparing to take over Meghan's spot in the kindergarten program while she went and had her baby. I was very nervous, not only because Meghan and Jessica are super close (Jessica being the other teacher in the room as well as one of my own closest co-workers), but because I knew the kids would miss Meghan a lot and it would be tough on them to have her gone. Meghan had her baby at the end of January and the kindergartners and I bonded very quickly. Working with Jessica was a dream come true.

Jessica came to me a few weeks ago and told me that she had put in her two weeks and wanted to let me know before I heard it around. This was devastating. Jessica's worked at our daycare for almost 3 years and even though I've only been there a little under a year I couldn't imagine working without her. A few days later Meghan told me she had found another job as well. Tomorrow is both of their last days and I just don't know how to handle it.

Jessica told her kids (the 1st through 3rd graders) last Friday that this week would be her last week and 3 of them immediately burst in to tears (2 were boys). Meghan had told our private kindergartners last week as well and today Jessica and I had to tell the rest of the kindergartners. I'm going to be moving permanently to be with my kindergartners and, while this is very exciting, it comes at the cost of losing two of my closest work confidants. It also means I'll have to be working with a new teacher and I know the older kids are going to resist this change hard. We have a little autistic boy named Matthew and he is a handful and a half and I worry about him once Jessica leaves. He's very attached to her and his behavior is sometimes uncontrollable and I know having her gone is going to be very stressful for him. My kindergartners were shocked by the news that Meghan was leaving but when I told them I was going to stay with them they were all very happy (which, of course, made me extremely happy).

I know this is just another one of those take it step by step sort of situations. It's going to be an adjustment for sure and I know eventually things will probably work themselves out. But for now it's hard to look past the tightness in my gut and the exhausting feeling that I'm walking around just on the verge of tears. Tomorrow is going to be rough on all of us and I am not looking forward to it at all. I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight.

This is a big change and it's causing me a lot of anxiety.

Life in general hasn't really changed all that dramatically since the last time I updated. I'm still living with my aunt and Granny in the house my aunt bought last May. I'm still going to college and am beginning to come to terms with the fact that I screwed around freshman year and I'm paying for it. I can't pretend like it won't affect me any more. Once my Grandma died I stopped going to class completely. Even though we're only about two months in to the current semester I haven't missed a day and don't plan on missing any for the rest of my educational career. Honestly.

Also wondering how the rest of my life is going to play out when I'm totally incapable of figuring out what I want. From school, from work, from my family, from boys, from girls, from everyone.

This wasn't meant to be a downer post but it's this stuff that has driven me to start up a new journal and just go from the beginning again. Thank you all for friending me :)
Tags: college, daycare happenings, starting over
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